So, here's the deal, I was 12 years old raising two kids while my mom was off getting drunk and passing out at God only knows where. I hated my child hood, well not like I ever got much of one what with the divorce at age 6 and the battles over custody ever since. I couldn't wait to grow up, to get out. I knew even then that I didn't want to stay in Indiana for college...too close to home and memories. I just couldn't wait for the day I turned 16.
Finally the day came and I turned 16, with no consequence to my yearning might I add. It seemed like things only got worse. I was throwing myself into school, speech, debate, trying to have an active social life, and still help out around the house. I was just plain old stressed out. I wanted to be grown up for real. I couldn't wait to be 18, to move out on my own, go to college, start a new life. I wished that I could just wake up in the morning and be an adult, with no rules, making my own decisions. That's what I really wanted: freedom.
Now, it seems like I really did just wake up one morning to find I was 18 and a "grown up." But now things have changed. I yearned all my life for this day. I officially stop being a high school senior in a week and I get to start college and a new life in a few mere months. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but things are in a different perspective now.
See, I'm afraid...terrified in fact. I don't want to be a grown up anymore. I don't want to have to go off on my own, I don't want to be responsible for my actions and have to make my own decisions. I don't think I'm ready. I'M NOT READY TO GROW UP! I wish I could just sprinkle on some pixie dust and go to Never Never Land. I feel like I spent so much time wanting to grow up that I didn't stop to have fun as a kid, or to think about all the responsibilities I would have.
Of course I can't just fly away to the third star on the right, and I can't stop time. But I really wish now that I wouldn't have tried to rush myself. I hope that teens can learn to slow down a bit and enjoy what's around them before they have to go out in the real world. Really I do.
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
