Innerself

I'm studying poetry right now in my English class. I was at the library last night, and it had me thinking. I used to write poetry when I was younger.. around 12-years-old. So, I decided to give it another try 8 years later, however, this time, I wrote a poem about the most important person in my life, who is also causing me the most damages to me. My Father. I used to feel like I was the most important person in his life, he used to call me his little angel, he said I died and came back to him (older sister had passed away, and my parents, being religious, think I am the reincarnation of her). But for the past couple of years, I went from being his little angel, to being this nuisance, this annoyance, this "bitch" to him. And it hurts. But I deal with it, because he's my Dad, and through whatever, I'm always gonna love him. My poem may suck, but I put a lot of deep feelings into it. Give me your feedback guys. I might start writing poetry again, MIGHT.

"Innerself"

The only time I would cry,
is when I would feel pain.
When a part of me was taken away,
the darkness would smile in vain.
His egotistical self,
lavished in my cries.
As a part of me still hoped,
devoured by my lies.
Generous was he,
to spare what was left.
To give me strength,
by promises unkept.
How could I tell him,
the man that I love,
that his resentment consumned me,
and enough was enough.
"I tried to impress you
I tried to make you proud
but still in the other
great happiness was found.
I remind you of her?
Is that your reason why?
You left me in the dark
and ran further till I cried."
How damaging it was,
to remember his hugs and kisses.
Crying and screaming on the floor,
because you're the one she misses.
When it was time to leave,
she held on tight in your arms.
Said you'd be back,
and through the door you were gone.
Ten years later,
your regrets become amiss.
With her innocence gone,
your hopes become foolish.
Your presence alone,
brings tears to her eyes.
One word even spoken,
and the light begins to hide.
Because you were suppose to be there.
Why didn't you come find me?
You may have hated her image...
but its within her you forgot to see....

-Kim Hanamura

If some of you don't understand the theme or main point in my poem, I'm not suppose to, but I'll give it away anyways. It goes from the present, to the past. Whenever my Dad would visit me at my Mom's house, there was a time when he had to leave to go back home, and I would scream and cry whenever he left because I missed him so much. And later on, as the years progressed, I started to remind him of my Mother, whom he resented so much. But all he did was see my mother whenever he looked at me, he forgot the person inside that used to be his "little angel" that was trying so hard to impress him by making her own money, buying her own things, putting herself through college, buying her own first car, and joining the army. But I still was not able to get him to see within, that my appearance does not define me. Innerself, reflects another person who is more than her skin, more than the clothes she wears, more than her hair style, more than her makeup, and more than who she appears to be.