"I've often wondered if I could ever be the brave one, like I am in my daydreams," I told my friend Tony in 8th grade.
"Well, if you're brave in your dreams, that means that's how you are in real life," he answered confidently.
I wasn't so sure. "Really?" I asked.
Seven years later, I'm sitting in my 10am Philosophy class on September 14th, 2009. Professor H. has just typed on the computer, "A justified belief is supported by evidence and proper reasoning," and is explaining it. There is a loud, painful THUNK in the back of the room. Several people gasp. I turn around in my seat and say, stupidly, "What's happened?"
The professor rushes to the back of the room, kneeling on the ground. I can see a sandalled foot, and just barely the top of the girl's head who passed out. She isn't moving, and neither is my brain.
It felt like forever when someone asked, unsure, "Should we call Campus Police?"
We didn't really know. We'd never been told about this. Someone suggested it would be a good idea, and one smart girl on the other side of the room called. The professor was talking quietly to the girl. She must have been awake, but she still wasn't moving. A tall guy in the back looked up and the stunned students looking on and said, "Has anyone called 911?"
"Campus Police," someone answered.
"Well call 911 too."
We moved our desks to prepare for the paramedics to get there and were excused early. The girl didn't need any onlookers. I was one of the last out, guiltily trying to see if the girl was bleeding out of morbid curiosity. I wanted to convince myself that she was fine.
But what hammered my mind was, why didn't I grab my cell phone right away and call 911? It's not hard. I know the number--had it drilled in my head since I was a wee thing. And yet, when there was discussion of calling for help, I knew my brand new AT&T serviced cell was in my back within arms' reach, and I let a few more seconds waste so someone else made the call.
I was scared. Didn't know what to do. My brain freezes up during crises, letting me not handle the situation in a quick and efficient way. I run all sorts of situations in my head, planning out what I should do and how I miraculously save the day, or my own skin, and I couldn't think well enough to grab for that phone and dial three easy numbers.
I think there are deciding moments in our life, lessons to learn, to show us the way, and I can't help feeling that I failed.
As I walked out of the room, a policeman came from the stairway coming towards me. I pointed in the direction of the room. "The first door on that side," I told him, and continued on my way.
"Thanks," he said, and he went to do his job. On my way down the stairs I wondered if I had redeemed myself.
Heh actually kinda seems like you like two steps back and one step forward. But you know what? I wouldn't be that bothered by it because i saw a show on T.V. the other day about an elderly man who was hit by a car in a busy area and people either kept on walking or just stared. A guy on a scooter actually drove around him. Eventually a cop happened to drive by and see his limp form on the side of the road. The old man had been there for almost half an hour! Tell me that isn't sad. He died too.
It really is sad how closed off and oblivous we as a people are to others. Must have something to do with that American mentality of keeping out of each other's business and ignoring the world around us. Or maybe it's just simple laziness.
Yeah, that situation for me might have been a two steps back/one step forward moment, but I think maybe I learned from it.
It could be laziness or it could be the American mentality but i think most of all it's how desensitized most people are nowadays. I mean when you think about, in America's Funniest Home Videos alot of those people get hurt pretty bad... and we laugh about it. But it could also be that it's just human nature to be curious about or even enjoy the pain of others. The ha glad it wasn't me factor i call it. Watch this video and see if you can hold back the laughter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KpE3lT9uxQ
Thinking too much about life can drive a person crazy...
You were wishing that you had the correct instictive reflexive response and apparently you did not. Nothing to be ashamed of, it sounds like the rest of the class was equally dumbfounded.
Some people are undoubtedly quicker than others at acting correctly in spur of the moment situations. They just have good instincts.
But, mostly doing the right thing in those types of situations is a matter of training and particularly if the training is re-inforced by repetition and experience. This true for Doctors, soldiers, policemen, firemen and others who work in high pressure situations that require snap decisions.
You have some really good points here. And who knows? Maybe this incident will be a sort of training for me, so that I can get past the shock stage and pull out the cell phone.
I think most people can relate to how you reacted. We all want to believe that we'll dash out of our chairs and save the day in such situations, but sometimes it just doesn't happen that way. Even when you're trained and know what to do, it doesn't always happen.
The first time Alo pulled his trach out (which he used to do ALL the time... soooo glad he outgrew that particularly terrifying stage!) at the hospital, sis had it back in and everything taken care of before the nurse who was right there even managed to move. When her water broke with the little princess last year way too early, she just froze even though she knew exactly what it meant and that she needed to get to the hospital ASAP. Later she couldn't figure out how I managed to act and get the ambulance on the way while she was still trying to register what was happening.
My point is that you may not have reacted as you might have wished in this particular situation, but given a different situation, you may very well save the day. Don't beat yourself up about it. You learned a valuable lesson and chances are that if you're ever in a similar situation in the future... you'll react instead of freeze because you've already been there and done that.
That you realize you should have reacted differently says a lot about you.
How is the girl doing?
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"Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth." - Dana
"We live as if the world were as it should be to show others what it can be." -Angel
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I'll probably find out 10am today how she's doing, but if she's there I won't go out of my way and ask her. I feel maybe she's a little self-concious of what happened on Monday and might not want all the questions that students will inevitably give her. I know that's how I would feel.
I definitely think this was a learning moment. If this should ever happen in the future, I think I'll react a lot faster.
And I'm glad Alo grew out of that "pulling the tract out" stage. How old was his sis who fixed the problem?
Oh, I didn't expect you to go ask her or anything, I was just wondering if you'd heard anything about how she is doing.
Alo's sis didn't put the trach back in, my sister did. I probably should have clarified that. His sister is just a year and a half... and has only recently discovered that Alo has a trach. He's protective of his trach and G-Button and all of his equipment though so he keeps her well away from it, which is a good thing! She's too curious for her own good!
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"Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth." - Dana
"We live as if the world were as it should be to show others what it can be." -Angel
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I can't believe she's already a year and a half old. Seems like just a couple months ago that she was born..
~C
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Don't feel bad. Sometimes, the shock of just watching instead of acting right away can save lives. I remember a story a while ago about a mom who watched her daughter get murdered at the fair. She literally could not move, but if she had ran to her daughter's aid, she very well could have died as well.
~C
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Seriously, the fact that you even bother to stop and consider, let alone write about it? you have the makings of a warrior of some kind, be it a nurse, child care giver, veterinarian, farmer, whatever, your mind is telling you it needs to grow, to increase its awareness. that is because you do have in you what it takes to be in charge in such awkward moments.
as a nurse i identify, but more as a nursing student. the same exact thing happened in my first semester nursing class. i "led" the "code" in the situation, directing paramedics, clearing the halls, all the same things i do now as a house supervisor of a hospital.
instinct is not worth much if it isnt acted on. thats not to say you were wrong, but i want to point out and make BOLD the fact that you felt some. instincts were screaming at you, but you ignored them, because of fear and discomfort, no one else was reacting like you felt compelled to, why should you? what if you are wrong? what if you look silly? what if you waste the paramedics time? point is, none of that matters.
whatever caused you to stop and step back is where your self doubt lies, and it isnt good for much. what if you were wrong? so what? what if you ended up wasting the paramedics time? so what? you couldnt be certain she was ok, so you needed a professional opinion. perfectly rational train of thought. why did you doubt it?
simple, you have not found your core trust in yourself. no big deal, most people dont, especially at your young age. the fact that you paid attention at all is testament to your sensitivity. the truth is that no one feels confident in those situations until they have been through them numerous times and it becomes routine, just like a sport. cpr is kind of like that. so what if you have a certificate you renew every 3 years? until you have practiced over and over again, you wont ever be comfortable with performing when there is a need. so what? just do it anyway, just do what you know how to do. its scary, but its better than the nothing that everyone else will do collectively, looking around waiting for someone "qualified" to take the lead. forget it, you are qualified, unless someone with more experience, expertise and qualifications trumps you, then for the sake of the person in need, by all means step aside, ,otherwise, YOU are in charge.
thats how i see it in my world anyway.
"O, I'm sorry you took that, -I meant that for the Devil, and you have stepped in and taken the blow. Don't get between me and the Devil, brother, and the you won't get hurt." --Billy Hibbard