So, things didn't work out with Nikki. I don't know exactly what happened, but Children's Services were in contact with her and my supervisor decided to give me another girl to mentor. Her name is Amy and she is 17. She is living with foster parents right now, but I'm not sure yet why she is "in the system."
I met Amy and her family at Children's Services. We decided that since neither of us had anything to do this afternoon, that she and I would hang out and she could direct me to her home afterward. I noticed right away that she was more talkative than Nikki had been. I asked if she wanted to go grab a smoothie and she said that sounded good, so I started driving to the cafe. She had never been there and was very impressed by the place. (I like it a lot, too!) She got lemonade and I had a smoothie. And we talked. Amy is going to be a junior this year and she likes school. She loves to read and she likes to write poetry (which excites me a lot!) She is kind of funny. She has a big family and goals of going to college. I really like Amy.
I took her to my school and wanted to show her the art building - I thought she would appreciate it. She said she really likes watching movies, too. Thank goodness! :) I don't know how she felt about my banjo-y ridiculous new favorite band, but she laughed about it with me.
After spending a little time in my apartment (I showed her some pictures of my family and friends I'd talked about previously) I took her back to her house. A pretty good drive, but it won't be a problem. She told me that she's going to be gone for the next ten days to be (I think) with her biological family. Once we got to her place, we exchanged phone numbers and she asked me inside. I sat down with her foster family and we talked about Amy. They told me that because they are sort of older, they just know they can't be everything they need to be for her. They were extremely grateful to have me, and I just couldn't express how excited and happy I was to be spending time with Amy, too. They talked about their confusion as to how to help her - knowing that she needed someone she could confide in who was around her same age, and said they wished they'd had someone to mentor her earlier. Her parents and I talked a bit - about school and my studies, as well as Amy and a little about her situation. Because Amy is "in the system" (there has to be a better way to say that... It makes her sound like a criminal or something when I say it that way) she will have college tuition completely payed for, and she is excited to go. I'm happy for her! It was time for me to go, but they assured me that they would call me when she was back from her vacation.
She and I had a pretty good time today. I think now perhaps I saw Nikki too much as a "project" to begin with - what Kant would consider using a person as a "means to an end only." I didn't mean to but I dreamt of making this huge life-changing impression on her and that we would hang out all the time and I would continue on through the school year. As it turns out, I still have those dreams for Amy, but on a smaller scale: I still hope to continue being a friend to her after my "service" is over. And I don't know how "life-changing" the impact will be, but I'm satisfied in knowing it will be just enough, no matter how much.
It was/ is important for you to feel a connection with the child you are working with. I understand that. I want to note for our readers though, that the "connection" is not always necessary to do good for the child, and it shouldn't be about your own feelings and desires. However, there are some people that are unable to give of themselves without a certain amount of validation.
also, not everyone should do this kind of work. i got into CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) because of my aunt. she is 60 now, but was 56 when i started CASA. She had been doing it for a few years, but she couldn't keep a case. She did do one good thing and got a little 5 year old girl adopted, so that is awesome! Otherwise, she sucked. She is too judgmental, couldn't handle bad manners, and really too much of an "old lady." I say that because of her attitude, not her physical age.
its funny, when i did my CASA training, they told me how impressed they were to have someone as young as me (i was 27 then). they said most of their volunteers are older, and its nice when kids have younger adults to connect with. most CASAs are retired teachers.
my own CASA kid told me the same thing, how the other kids she met in the system with CASAs told her how lucky she was to have a "young" CASA.
The point is, no one is going to be perfect, and connections are helpful, but not always there. what's important is to remember what your job is. to be there, to be consistent, to follow through, to make good on your promises. that is what these kids are usually lacking in their lives.
in your case, it seems like you got a pretty healthy, stable girl. that is rare. Usually the kids who get mentors are the ones who lack support systems. she already has a good family, that is great. so it looks like you get to have a go at exactly what you wanted, making a good kid's life a little better, and maybe you will be that "friend" she never had before, like an older sister, and you can show her how big and beautiful the world is, with all of its art and literature, etc. maybe you can help to reach higher than she would have thought to before.
overall, this is such a good experience for both of you, and thanks for keeping us updated :).
"O, I'm sorry you took that, -I meant that for the Devil, and you have stepped in and taken the blow. Don't get between me and the Devil, brother, and the you won't get hurt." --Billy Hibbard