So, i've been thinking a lot about why i've been so unhappy and distraught at the present and I think i've been getting to a better understanding. Happiness derives from pleasure and joy from doing things that we love and being around people we love. But lately, I've just been withholding lots of anger, resentment and frustration..mostly apart due to various family issues.
Yet, the one thing that gets to me is that after my parents got divorced, i never felt close to my father again and a part of me, i think went missing despite that my heart was already a little worn...due to other various matters..but his absence in my life was a great loss and continues to be as i grow older. I only recently, heard of his wedding at an earlier time thru my sister and to not have him share that special moment with me: hurt me greatly. : (
I mean I understand that he might be more hesistant to not want to tell me because im share a closer bond with my mother while my sister and him share a closer bond, but it still pained me to know that he wouldn't tell me in person like he did with my sister. Yet, after the divorce he has always been a little less hesistant to want to talk about things...though we did share a moment where we both started crying over difficult times but sadness shouldn't be the bonding connection that brings a father and daughter together. It should be by a common bond of mutual love between a father and his daughter and they should be able to talk about anything.
Unfortunately, this is my life and though i continue to struggle with this matter, i must face reality and realize that things can never be the same no matter how much we want them to be because we can't live in the past. We only have the present and we must deal with what we are given. Furthermore, I will try to continue to love him just as i did before despite the walls that continue to act as a barrier between the two of us.
I think you are processing it appropriately though. Knowing that you can't change what is, or your father, is important. Grieving the loss is also important. Losing a parent in that way is painful, and warrants a proper grieving process. Don't minimize the less, and give yourself time and space to feel all those important parts of the grieving process, and know that it is okay. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
It is perfectly appropriate to feel sad.
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