Got A Progressive Idea?

So I have shared a little bit about my current state of dissatisfaction with my life. I am a 31-year-old married mother of a 3-year-old daughter. I am a nurse. I have been working in the same place (a psych hospital) for 10 years now. I took a detour and worked in outpatient surgery as a Pre-Op and Recover nurse, at first with a plastic surgery center, and then at a general surgery center that specialized in bariatric surgery. I also studied aesthetic medicine for a stint, and got into doing laser skin resurfacing, along with Botox and dermal fillers. I live in Orange County California, and these latter endeavors were in effort to extend my experience and education, as well as my wallet. I recently lost my full time job at the surgery center, which paid about 30% more than the psych job. Not only that, but since psych was my part time, weekend job, that was supplemental income. I was making good money, but not any more.

So, I am at a crossroads. I can get a number of different jobs, but the question is, what kind of job do I want? From January through April, I accepted a temporary promotion at the psych hospital. The DON was on maternity leave, and we are expecting a visit from JCAHO any time. So, the director of psych services moved up, and so did the nurse manager under her. I was asked to fill in as the “interim nurse manager” for 2 of the hospital’s 5 psych units. I accepted. I have been at the hospital for a long time, and have struggled there, as well as made some lifelong friends. During this experience, I learned that I want nothing to do with an administrative position at the hospital. I have realized, partly through my Public Administration studies, that I do not like the corporate culture of the company for which I work. I do not like the punitive approach to employees, or patients, for that matter. I do not agree with many of the policies of the hospital. I really realized how much in conflict my views are compared to the administration when I wrote my boss a letter describing what I would like to do with my time there.

I expressed a desire to work with the charge nurses as a liaison between them and management. I wanted to perform staffing education, and to give the charge nurses a forum where they could discuss challenges and successes they faced in their every day experiences. I wanted them to be able to share with each other, and management about what they felt did and didn’t work as far as interventions. I wanted them to feel valued, like their day-to-day experience mattered to their administrators. This idea was completely shot down. I was told, “You are too close to too many of the staff. You want to be liked be everyone. They will start to resent you, and will lash out at you.”

I was not surprised when all of this came to pass. The more involved I got, the more nurses confided in me how unhappy they were. I saw nurses picking on each other. I would talk to someone and say, “Hey, you don’t need to go off complaining in front of everyone, you can just write it down and turn it into management. They will decide if there is a problem.” The answers I got were, “Are you kidding me? I don’t want to write anyone up, I just bitch at him or her, and then it’s done. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. You have no idea how it is. Someone writes something, and it’s like a witch hunt.” I thought about this. I approached the managers, “Staff are reluctant to communicate with you because they feel it will result in punitive action on their peers, and they don’t want to create problems for each other.” Of course, this was taken as, “Of course they look out for each other, but we have to know these things for the safety of everyone.” I just shrug my shoulders now.

No one really gives a shit about what is best for everyone; everyone is looking out for his or her own ass. I have decided this is not the kind of job I want, so I am looking for something else. I am not looking for a job in a specific field, or with a specific salary. Instead, I am looking for a job that will value what I have to offer. I want a job where my experience and insight mean something, and people are glad to have it. I want a job where I can be creative, and relatively autonomous. Sadly, in today’s world, I think that means a job where I work for myself. I think I need to create my own job, and therefore my own project or company. I thought I would describe that in this blog, but I have taken up too much space already. Let me just add that I need a job that pays me what I am worth, which means it will pay me twice what I am making now, in half the time. This is because my daughter deserves to have a mommy at home, and because I am damned good at what I do, no matter what it is. The only way I see to find that job is to create it myself.

So, why am I writing this blog? Because I know there are more than one other opportunists on this site, and I am seeking to create something with other likemindeds who have similar needs to graduate from the machine of the rat race that we call a work force. I have dozens of ideas, but not enough skills to see them all through on my own. I want to open up a discussion, or rather a brainstorm. I will likely post another blog soon with more details about specific ideas that I have, but for now, I think it is appropriate to just put my feelers out there and see if there is anyone else who shares my vision.