A Conquest to Find Me

This is just a reflection a wrote for 2008

As I sit in my bed and write this note, I can remember all the times I laughed, smiled, and cried sitting in this very spot in my room this year. What a year it has been to say the least. It has most definitely been a unique one with unpredictable surprises and adventures. This year has been filled with the ups and downs of friendships and romance. A year filled with memories and maybe regrets.

I have spent a great deal of time just thinking this year. Thinking about what I want, which is probably the reason I have not answered some of your text messages and missed calls recently. I have been reevaluating this year what I want out of life. This year has been a year of reflection and soul searching for me, and I would like to say that I succeed in doing that. I think I may have found what it is that I want to do in my life, and where I want to be. I can thank the start of my soul searching to Chemistry 101 and Soc 102. This past January I had it all figured out, I thought I my career path was nursing. Well with a quick downward spiral in my Chemistry grade I began to question whether nursing was the right path. I withdrew from Chemistry with the intention of taking it in the summer or in the fall.

My searching didn’t abruptly end there, oh trust me it didn’t. I took a unique course spring semester. One that opened my eyes to something with great importance. Issues that face our country, our generation, and our world. I am not certain of the non-profit field I may go into, but I do know I want to do something big and I want to make a big difference.

Although I believe I have found my goal or perhaps purpose in life, I found myself questioning it even more with the recent realization that everything can change in one moment. I’m not sure if that is a realization that is part of growing up or not… Growing up what another story in itself. I have never been so anxious, excited, and nervous in doing so. Not knowing what the future holds is such a scary feeling inside. It is recent found faith that has kept me going. Faith that everything will eventually be okay.

Lately I have been thinking about how things change when you get older. Perspectives on everything begin to alter and change. Things that weren’t so apparent become much more obvious and clear. I have been contemplating high school, and how naive I was. How maybe being that naïve was so nice, but then I wake up and realize that everything happens for a reason whether that reason is big or small, life altering or not.

Well I have been rambling on for far to long so I leave you with this, a few lessons I have leaned throughout the course of this crazy year:

Think big.
Cherish the small moments.
Take nothing for granted.