The shooting of Oscar Grant and the riots (and reflections on violence in general)...

So I've just been reading about the rioting going on in many cities in California and around the country related to the unfortunate death of Oscar Grant and I have to say, two feelings are stirred in me when I hear about things like this. One feeling is that "oh shit!" panicky feeling I get in my gut whenever I hear about violence, period. I'm really afraid of all types of violence, probably because having been raised by fundamentalist Christians, I was always waiting for the coming of chaos as told in that terrifying biblical book known as Revelation. My mom, especially, was always getting us prepared for disaster; she grew massive gardens, canned lots of food, moved us way out into the middle of nowhere, to a town called Prattsburgh where people joke that you only live there if you are related to other people who live there, or you are some type of criminal hiding out from someone or something. Since the town has no law enforcement because it is so small, this is actually probably true for some of the people there. We also spent many hours speculating what the "end of the world" would be like; for example, would we have electricity? Would we have transportation? Would we be moving people into our house to shelter them? She really had no clear plan and no real idea of what might transpire in her imaginary "end of days" scenario, but nevertheless, she talked endlessly about it, and freaked the fuck out of me at a very young age.

Nowadays, anytime I hear about any sort of crisis; the economy, fighting in the Gaza strip (why the fuck isn't the news covering this more clearly and fully?), the riots in California, I freak the fuck out. As an anarchist, this feels a little weird; I also feel excited that people are finally fighting back against various forms of oppression; somehow, the fighting in Gaza feels linked to the riots against the cops; both are reactions to years and years of injustice, both are extremely one-sided (in Gaza, for example, a five-star Iraqi army (mainly funded by the US, of course,) fights bottle-rockets and rocks; similarly, students and anarchists are using rocks and bricks to show their outrage at years and years of cops killing innocent folks in the streets...) Anyway, I had a great conversation last night with a friend about how those who don't believe in hierarchy from the playground onward tend to be the bullied, while the bullies on the playground tend to grow up to be those in power; but now the bullied are trying to fight back, and I am proud of them and wish to extend some sort of solidarity, (unfortunately, as a midwifery student, I am obligated to stay put and study rebel birth practices, I really was tempted to run down to Cali for a moment, however, and throw some bricks as well)...

I also was read a story about the conquistadors and how they brought syphilis to this native tribe in Canada; and how, after years of having daughters raped, children killed and syphilis spread to women and babies, they got fed up enough to fight back. They staged a brutal and brilliant attack where some of the daughters of nobles seduced the conquistadors camp guards; with this little distraction happening, others where able to swim out to the conquistadors ships and cover the ships with seal oil and light them on fire. The girls who seduced the men slit their throats as well; they knew when they volunteered for this little job that they would be getting syphilis and dying to save their tribes, but they bravely did so...

So I guess my question to myself is this, "Is now the right time to risk syphilis in order to save those I love?" When do I let go of my fear and join the fray?

Love ya,
Carrot