Change Begins Here.

I was, to be quiet honest, a pain in the ass at 15. I've never done boredom well and at 15, there were just so many entertaining ways to beat boredom. I wasn't necessarily an angry teenager, but I was a bored teenager. And the more bored I became, the more trouble I tended to find.

When I turned 17, however, I realized rather quickly that I was closing in on that age where I couldn't continue with the "beat boredom at all costs" mentality. It would, sooner rather than later, bite me on the ass. So... I wised up before that happened and started attacking boredom in less questionable ways.

Those less questionable ways have taught me quite a lot and helped me grow in ways I never would have expected. I look back at some of the things I did then and am not even quite sure how I survived it all. But I did survive it. And I learned from it. And it's all been for the best.

I say I was an idiot as a teenager so I could be responsible as an adult. It sounds insane, but it's pretty true too. I did all of the things as a teenager that so many of the people I knew then are doing now. I've spent the time since volunteering and working and getting an education and starting a life that I'm very proud of.

And, perhaps most importantly, I've been there to help my sister through the trials she has endured with the kids these last four and a half years. I'm not so sure I would have been capable of doing what I've done the last four and a half years had I not done what I did as a teenager.

What I mean is that it's not exactly been a walk in the park with the kids. Every pregnancy and every birth has brought new trials and new obstacles and each day has been a learning process. It takes a lot of energy to care for a child with as many medical problems as Alo has. It takes even more to do it while going to school, working, and helping care for two other small children. Or, in the case of the little princess, helping her overcome her rough start.

I'm not so sure I would have been capable of shouldering that responsibility and juggling all of those things had I not learned early on who I was and what I wanted out of life. And I learned so much of that because I did experience the other side of things.

Which leads me, in a rather roundabout way, to my point today. I'll be 25 this month and things are changing in very real ways around here. For the last four years, I have spent my life juggling a lot and being there around the clock for whatever crisis might appear with the kiddos. In March, however, my sister and the kids will be moving 60 miles away. I'll also be graduating this spring.

For all intents and purposes, the things I've spent the majority of my time on for the last 4 years will no longer be here. I've always been one to embrace (and often chase) a challenge. Not much intimidates me and I don't frighten easily (unless, of course, I'm home alone at night sitting in front of windows... total creepfest there). When things go insane, I take charge and find a way to make it work. That's been my role as Nanny and older sister and wife the last four years and I've become quite good at it.

And I have no doubt that somehow, I'll find a way to put what I've learned these last years to good use and become quite good at the challenges this year will bring. But, the realization that everything is changing here has gotten me to thinking a lot about change and progress in general.

I've made a lot of progress in my personal life because of the changes that have proceeded that progress. I've never really liked changed, but I've never really been resistant to it either. No matter how much it may suck, I tend to believe that it's inevitable and that fighting it is only going to make it worse. So, I do the opposite. I embrace it. Sometimes, it throws me to the ground. But generally, change has been good to me.

It's allowed me to learn. To grow. To be someone I can respect. To experience things I can't imagine having never experienced. But mostly, it's taught me the importance of being able to look back and realize just how far I've come. Change doesn't really mean anything if we have no way of measuring the success or lack thereof of that change.

And that is what this new year is for me. It's that sign post in the road that says "change begins here." I have no idea where it will lead or if I will be any good at it. But, I'm making my way toward it anyway. And it will turn out well. Because, if I've learned anything about myself in the last 10 years, it's that I am persistent and I am determined. And persistence and determination always pay off in the end.

It might not be in the ways we expected or even gain us the things we wanted... but when all is said and done, we've gained more than we had before because we decided not to be afraid but to continue moving forward, no matter what change loomed on the horizon. And change, no matter how monumental or how intimidating, is simply another way of reminding us that progress is ours for the making.