What do you do when the person you love the most is sitting right in front of you and you know you cant do anything to help them?
I remember the first time i learned the meaning of life and death. It took me a while to remember it but i still regret my actions to this day. It was a day in november during my 3rd grade year. My grandfather on my mom's side of the family was sick of cancer and i remember going to visit him in the hospital and speaking to him some what. Then i remember a few days later i had to leave and we had about an hour to spare and my aunt asked me if i wanted to see my grandfather before i left. I said no because i would see him next time i visited. 2 weeks later he died and i never got to say "hi" to him again. Throughout the whole funeral i was the only one the could not cry because i had no idea what was going on. It was not until the lowering of the casket did i ball my eye out and the person who held me was grandmother on my dad's side of the family.
And now after a visit today i realize the days are going and time is passing. I watch as she sits infront my very eyes as her pain and sickness continues. But the anger i felt was i can only sit here and watch. I watch as she breathes hard every word spoken. This is the person who has given me all my life aspirations and my desire for success. But unlike my first mistake with my grandfather. I will take up every opportunity to see her daily and i will make sure i am there as much as possible. But unlike my previous situation i want it to be known now how much i appreciate having her here and how much she means to me. But even as i write this now, i still am unable to do anything as i watch the sickness continue and yet my desire for a medical career becomes stronger. All i know is that i feel hopeless and sad because i want her to be here forever. Because she has always been there and she has always supported everything ive done. And she cooks the best mashed potatoes in the world and she makes the simple things in life that ive done feel even greater..
