Can I trade you? Hey I will buy your dad for 100 dollars for 30 minutes just for someone to act like they care

I used to have everything yet I didn't even know it. Yes we were poor, but we were a family. Sure I fought with my mom a lot and my dad would always tell me I was wrong, that I shouldn't start a fight with her. Well my mom could be a real bitch, crazy, and mean. But, I could always cry on her shoulder, and she would always listen to me. I won't pretend she never existed unlike my dad because she did exist. Now I know the truth, and sometimes I would rather have her right now instead of this emptiness.

The isolation sometimes gets to me like I am battling this world all alone. Now it seems like my dad is a stranger like a roommate who pays the rent and most the bills. A roommate who works yet is lazy and leaves messes for me to clean up, and someone who would rather put woman he meets on the internet before his own daughter.

The funny thing is I still cannot have any of my mom's things, even though they were promised to me. These things should not even be his because some of them were her parent's things. I will not see these things go to the next woman in line because they have no right to them.

My main sense of joy, relief, and happiness was driven out of the house yesterday. Cory my boyfriend of almost 4 years stumbled upon a note that my dad wrote calling him lazy and a few other things. I read it and was outraged that he would say that. For one thing my dad should have included himself in the lazy part. Cory actually helps out more than my dad and when my dad was gone for a week at a hotel wasting his money on some woman he meet off the internet I was amazed at how much more Cory helped and without me having to nag him.

Since I am a mind reader…my dad told me in the note that I purposely screwed him over by not letting him get on the computer. This is why communication skills are a good idea, but instead I have to become a mind reader and assume my dad needs the computer for important reasons. The reasons are normally never important and the need to talk on the phone and hog the computer at the same time is unnecessary.

My dad has not been here for me emotionally and mentally since like a caveman he discovered how to use a computer and to communicate with “cavewoman” online. In fact you can’t really call him much of a dad anymore either. Although losing a spouse can be devastating, I cannot get my real mother back, where he can find another woman.

The woman he talks to online express how excited they are to meet me, and the joy for me of course is uncontainable. I used to be open to the idea of a new woman in my life and I actually embraced this idea. Now it is different because he is making very stupid decisions. The woman he is talking to now he has seen once, and has only been talking to her for not even two months.

I spoke with him the other day about him finally getting out of this falling apart P.O.S rental home and he stated “Pattie is ready to move down here and we were looking at houses together.”

And course he must remind me everyday how I am financially screwing him because he only had to pay for my last payment for college and put the money that bounced into my account. He makes good money at his job yet he can’t manage it. Yes I am 20 and I should be supporting myself and I have been until I had to quit my job for lack of hours.

Another thing I might add is he put it all on himself, because my mom’s life insurance money wasn’t a very large amount (under 30k but it was enough) and he spent most of it on woman that he meet online. He bought them gifts, bought one woman’s plane ticket from Canada, and paid for a hotel for them to stay in. That woman who had nothing to do with him after she left cost him 1,000 dollars plus.

The point of the matter is if he can spend money on woman across the world, he can sure as hell help his own daughter out. I am proud to say I have paid for my two semesters of college out of pocket ( with the exception of this one payment) all 2,820 dollars plus books.

We also had a talk a while back which bothered me. He told me it was the wife who is supposed to receive the life insurance money and all possessions. This may hold true for my mom, but what about his daughter? It is not about the money it is the principle of the matter. I will be damned if some woman gets any of my mom’s items.

On top of it all I went and say my grandmother in the rehab center she stayed in. We drove the 17 hours to Florida and when my dad figured out Wi-Fi was available he spent time neglecting visiting my grandmother for about 3 or 4 hours so he can use the computer. I wheeled my grandmother around while her own son sat on the computer, until he finally got off the damn computer.

Many people have told me “ He is just grieving and lonely” this could be true, but I doubt it since only after 9 months of my mom passing away he was looking for someone else saying he did not want to spend the rest of his life alone. That sounds like some thing a woman might say (not all of course). I just don’t care anymore, if he wants to ruin his life he can, but I will go on with my life and actually graduate college and be someone. I will publish books, publish my poems, and help people the best I can.

Things have gotten a little bit better since I first started writing the post, but not much. I have been putting off school work, putting off writing blogs, forcing myself to comment, neglecting house work. I should give him a cookie for finally doing dishes now, but still the toilet is calling me to be cleaned, the vacuum is getting lonely, and the shower is like the titanic growing crap on it. I am not a maid though and although I am unemployed when I had a job the situation was still the same. School work, house work, and repeat. The three of us that were once a family is now a distant memory and here I am a family of one.