How do i move on after losing my mom im only 21 i should have to be dealing with this rite now. Feb. 26 2007 was the day my life started falling apart, that was the day my mom found out she had stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to her kidneys and brain . i never thought that cancer would effect my family. even though my mom was scared she tried her hardest to stay brave for my siblings and I.she tried to hide alot from us like when her hair started falling out but i was there through it all holding her when she would cry knowing that this was the beginning of the end. the doctors told us that they would do everything they could to save my mother. from feb. 26 on my mom was in and out of the hospital every couple weeks until June that was the last time my mom would be going to the hospital. over that month my mom took a turn for the worse she had about 5 blood transfusions over a matter of 3 weeks she lost alot of weight , she had to take more then ten different medications a day. the day before she passed away i knew that would be the last day i would see her because she stoped eating and she kept falling asleep. i didnt want to leave her that night but my sister told me i had to go home. so rite as i was leaving her hospice room i screamed as loud as i could I LOVE YOU MOM but there was no response. the next morning (Friday July 6th 2007) at about 7:30 am we got a call from the hospital that my mom had taken a turn for the worse and we needed to get there. by the time we got to the hospital she was already gone. that day it felt like someone ripped my heart rite out of my chest. cuz the one person that made my life good the one person that kept me safe and said she would never leave me was gone and would never come back.
Ever since july 6th 2007 i feel like im lost like everything i knew is gone. everyday ppl try to tell me that it will get easier and it wont hurt as much. but lately it feels like it hurt just as much as the day it happened. i have no urge to do anything anymore. I.ve wanted to end my life just so i could be with my mom again. i no it sounds horrible to want to do but unless u have walked this path before u wont understand why i dont want this to be my life anymore, the pain becomes to much to live with. when i close my eyes to sleep at nite my mind replays everything that happened from Feb. 26 till July 6th. I've become use to only getting 3 to 4 hours of sleep a nite. sumtimes i forget shes gone and go to call her or go in to her room and thats wen i remember shes gone and then i breakdown. Im afraid to move on cuz i dont want to forget her. sumtimes its hard for me to remember the sound of her voice and that scares the hell out of me cuz shes my mom i should never forget that sound. ppl keep telling me i should go talk to sumone about how im feeling but i dont no how to talk to ppl i dont no about her and how it felt to lose her. if there is anyone out there that knows how im feeling and cant help me out please let me no cuz i feel sooo alone in this
I wish I had some words that would help, but unfortunately I don't. There are several others here that have gone through something similar'; I hope they're able to give you a little perspective and help pick you up.
You will be in my thoughts!
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~Fallon~
An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't- A. France
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In September 4, 2004 I went through the same situation when I lost my mother to lung cancer. I was 15 years old left to raise my younger sister with nominal help from family members. I don't mean to try to steal the spotlight or anything of that nature. Only to say that your situation is not impossible to succeed from. I was able to continue on with life by holding on to the ideals that my mother instilled while she was here. I'm sure that if you do the same you can have a positive outcome on a negative event. Peace & keep your head to the sky.....
This ain't a pen this a paintbrush/ and I intend to re-arrange the way that they paint us- Lupe Fiasco
I can help you the best I can. I watched my mom die in the hospital in 2006. I was 18 years old. She was in a coma for a month, and had Lupus. Before she entered the hospital she gave me a look, squeezed my hand tightly like she knew she was going to die. I buzzed all of her hair off. I took care of her for about 4 months. I can't totally relate because my mom didn't have cancer, but the Lupus she had was close enough. Her feet turned purple, and when her heart stopped a tear rolled down her cheek.
I have trouble sleeping as well because I hear the flatline I see her dying, and I remember kissing her on the cheek telling her goodbye. I take Xanax and it works for me to sleep. I would get on some sleeping medication, you need your sleep.
Just remember your mom would want you to be happy, and not suffer. She is still with you at heart, and i am sure she is watching over you. Also realize she is in a better place and not in pain anymore.
Try to keep your head up, it is hard I still struggle with it. people have told me just move on, or it will heal in time. You can't just move on, but you can look forward. You have to try to stay positive, and I understand it is hard. Private message me if you ever need someone to talk to. I am a good listener, and you can talk to me when ever you feel like you need to.
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
Love comments? I do too!
Find someone you feel comfortable talking to ASAP. It would be best if it were a professional, but you decide who that person is going to be. I just wrote a blog a couple days ago about how I lost my grandfather to prostate cancer, but that I didn't really lose the love I had for him. You can still remember your mom as best you can and keep living. You can make it to a place where your life feels more whole and complete again. I made it, so you can too.
Here's a link to that blog if you're interested and you can private message me anytime.
http://www.progressiveu.org/025901-losing-love
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina