Dearest Boyfriend,
Oh boy, I love you. I hate how much I love you.
You know why that is, but I'm going to tell you anyway.
You broke my heart on Superbowl Sunday. You couldn't pick one, and you broke up with me to see if my best friend was worth the risk, and she wasn't, and you hated yourself for it, and we reunited and we're still The Special Two.
You say it's been forever, but you don't realize the extent of the damage. Sure, you're ashamed, and you're guilty, but you're not the victim. I'll never be okay from that, you asshole.
That was the only night I've ever considered suicide. Luckily, I'm not a pussy.
I think sometimes it would be easier if I just broke up with you. I tried that twice after, remember? You only remember twice, because its the only two times that I could actually do it, but there's more times than I can count where I laid in bed at night wondering if I was doing the right thing, making the right decision.
That night, I changed. You made me stop believing in God. You made me curse, you made me hate, you made me have a shorter fuse and a quicker wit and better fashion sense because I suddenly cared about how I looked to you again.
Goddamn it, but sometimes I hate who I've become.
And it's all your goddamn fault.
I know you'll never read this.
S'why it's so easy for me to rant about it.
Fuck boys, and love, and silly things like that. Yay life.
JAZZMAN
You let this guy dump you for your friend and then you took him back. You have been thinking about breaking up before. His influence has fostered loss of faith in God and thoughts of suicide. You don't like yourself as much now as before. None of this sounds like it is heading in a positive direction to me.
People are just as addictive as drugs. So it's people, places and things. Avoid all of those that make you think of him. You changed your clothes...well keep changing because you are in a bad place. When you are going through hell, keep going because this sounds like Mr. Wrong 4 U adn every moment spent with the wrong guys is onle less moment with the right one.
I'm sorry. I know this isn't what anyone wants to hear at a time like this. the truth is sometimes harsh which is why your friends won't tell you what htey really think until after you walk away for good. But I'm a stranger and so if you hate me intensely for this response....it's OK.....hate me..I won't even know and you wouldn't know me even if I posted my pic.
Just pack it up and walk - run - as fast and as far as you can while you still can.. Nothing and nobody is worth having who comes between you and your true self. If he makes you hate yourself - It's not worth it. And it's not his fault if you continue to let him make you feel bad. No body can walk all over you unless you lie on the ground for them first. Get moving on and good luck. You deserve much better.
JAZZMAN
You let this guy dump you for your friend and then you took him back. You have been thinking about breaking up before. His influence has fostered loss of faith in God and thoughts of suicide. You don't like yourself as much now as before. None of this sounds like it is heading in a positive direction to me.
People are just as addictive as drugs. So it's people, places and things. Avoid all of those that make you think of him. You changed your clothes...well keep changing because you are in a bad place. When you are going through hell, keep going because this sounds like Mr. Wrong 4 U adn every moment spent with the wrong guys is onle less moment with the right one.
I'm sorry. I know this isn't what anyone wants to hear at a time like this. the truth is sometimes harsh which is why your friends won't tell you what htey really think until after you walk away for good. But I'm a stranger and so if you hate me intensely for this response....it's OK.....hate me..I won't even know and you wouldn't know me even if I posted my pic.
Just pack it up and walk - run - as fast and as far as you can while you still can.. Nothing and nobody is worth having who comes between you and your true self. If he makes you hate yourself - It's not worth it. And it's not his fault if you continue to let him make you feel bad. No body can walk all over you unless you lie on the ground for them first. Get moving on and good luck. You deserve much better.