typical

i'm a typical teenage girl. too narrowminded to understand anything, too stubborn to admit she's wrong, too proud to see her faults, too scared to fall in love.

i can't stand being typical.

i can't stand being confused. i can't stand thinking about these things day and night and not knowing if i'm thinking way too much into it. i don't like wondering if i'm just falling into another hole, or if i'm falling into something real. and whether or not i'll be caught

not "caught this time," because i've never let myself fall before.

even as a little kid, doing those trust falls, i could never let myself just fall back and expect to be caught.

i guess i'm still that little girl

i don't know if i'm ready to be hurt. i don't know if i'm ready to let myself go, because it'll be so hard to take myself back. i don't know if he's worth it, i don't know if i'm fooling myself, if i'm making excuses for everything he does that's everything i always promised myself i wouldn't want.

i don't know what love is. as much as i like to believe i can read people, i'll never be able to pinpoint the exact thoughts they're thinking, or the exact motives of their actions.

so is it worth it?

is it worth being deceived, and constantly lied to over and over again.. is it worth taking the risk of being used, or is it better to trust your own judgment?

i don't know anymore.. aren't these supposed to be the best days of our lives? so maybe i'm meant to take chances, and live it up while i can remember it, no matter how catastrophic it might be.

or maybe i'm thinking way too much into things, analyzing way too much again.

that's gonna be my downfall..