Tribute to Father Figures

My father was never in the picture as far as raising me. He was a check and a frozen image in a picture that my mother showed me occasionally. He wasn't a drunk or abusive, he was just a broken, sad man afraid to take a chance when my mother got pregnant unexpectedly.

When I tell people that my father chose not to be in my life, I usually get pitying looks or questions like "Do you ever miss him?" "Do you want to find him?" I respond that it's impossible for me to miss a man I've never met and that if he wants to find me, he knows where I am but I won't force myself on anyone.

My mother's never spoken of him angrily or bitterly. She tells me about all the good moments they had together and has never been averse to answering questions but she's the one who starts the conversation most times. Mom is amazing and I've never been starved for a male figure in my life thanks to all the amazing men who have been there for me since I was born and stepped into those shoes even though they didn't have to.

First and foremost is my godfather, married to my mother's best friend. He held me when I was a baby, was there at my christening, made up silly songs that we would sing in the car, let me ride on his shoulders, taught me to love nature and sit quietly in it. He and my godmother have been there for every birthday, Christmas, and graduation even when they were thousands of miles away. They both will listen to me talk on the phone for hours even when I have absolutely nothing of import to say. I know beyond any doubt that they both love me and are always proud of me.

Next is my grandfather. He taught me to be a tomboy and always took it for granted that I could do anything I wanted to. He was never too touchy feely, but he showed he loved me in his own way, the ways that he supported me and was so thrilled at any opportunity to talk to me. My mom and I lived in a condo that he owned when we first moved down here from Pennsylvania when it was clear that my bio-father wouldn't have anything to do with us. He's supported my mom and I and is the patriarch of our very tight-knit family and a father figure to my cousins as well.

My two male cousins were also big influences in my life, though more in the role of big brothers than fathers. As an only child, the only thing I wished for was siblings. Since that wasn't possible, I made myself a very close group of friends that I've had since Kindergarten and was thrilled whenever my cousins (all older than me by several years) would come to visit. They treated me like a little sister, teasing me and tossing me in pools and beating me at games, but they also made me feel like a member of their immediate family, rather than cousins I only saw a few times a year, if that.

Fathers are wonderful things to have and a good one is worth his weight in gold, in my opinion. Nevertheless, I'm thankful every day that my mom was brave enough to tell my father to stay out of my life if he wasn't willing to commit 100%. I don't think I would have gotten the opportunity to get as close as I have with the other father figures in my life if I was constantly waiting for my real father to show up for a day or two, then leave. So here's to all the men out there who have willingly taken the responsibility for a child that wasn't biologically theirs. Who have given that child love and respect and an opportunity to form a complete family, even if it was a bit unorthodox. You are truly amazing and deserving of all the honor of this day.

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