Hey! Mr. Wawa Man, Ring That Up for Me.

Hey! Mr. Wawa Man, Ring That Up for Me.
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.


I, being the greedy, lazy teen that I am, was feeling particularly sulky after being told that I was not allowed to go to Barnes and Noble while out on a shopping trip. Now, to clarify things, my room is a mess. It has been that way for several months and is likely to stay that way for a week or so more. My mother informed me that I was not allowed to go to Barnes and Noble because of said messy room. She informed me that I would just curl up and read it without touching the mess surrounding me. Now, she is partly correct. I would not be touching the mess surrounding me. But curl up and read the book, I think not. The book I would have purchased was to be a writing reference book. Not usually something to curl up and read for pleasure.

Two things, you should know: I am prone (as most people are) to mood swings and depression. I think it’s almost bipolar sometimes, the severity and randomness of the depression, but I’ve never experienced the mania that is supposed to go along with it. So, I don’t really know that the deal is. My family has a history of depression and anxiety. So I just attribute it to that.

The second things is that I love books. And reading. So, denying me the chance to go into a bookstore is sort of upsetting. Especially when there is no logical reason for denying me the little pleasure.
As I was saying, I was feeling particularly sulky because I was freely allowed to purchase something in Best Buy and use that as a distraction to room cleaning. I did not buy anything in Best Buy because I was not looking for a distraction to room cleaning, I can find many of those around my house or in my room itself. I went along on the ride because, well, I do not really have an explanation on it.

Now, to be perfectly honest, I do not like my mother. I do not like my family. I have my reasons and I feel that those reasons are legitimate. The just listing and explaining the reasons themselves would take a whole other blog. So, just be content that I have never really felt welcome in my family and that I am the victim of a sort of salutary or benign neglect.

Anyway, so as I was sulking, we stopped at Wawa. I sat in the car while my mom ran in to go buy lunch meat and some rolls for dinner. I waited in the car with my twin brother and by younger baby brother. I doodled in my sketchbook to help de-stress myself and get the negative feelings out, but it did not help at all. So, feeling like I was about to burst, I leapt out of the car and stormed into Wawa with my wallet in hand. I passed by my mother in the checkout line, and, I don’t know exactly how I feel about this, but she didn’t recognize me. So I didn’t recognize her. I grabbed a bowl of pre-sliced mangoes and moved to the end of the line.

Now, I have always thought of myself to be an unassuming person. After all, I’m ignored by the people I consider close to me all the time. But when I finally got to the register, the cashier looked at me and asked if I was okay. He said I looked really depressed. I just laughed it off and said that I was tired. Which was completely untrue. He gave me that sort of “I don’t believe you” look and asked me if I was sure. I said yes, paid for my mangoes and walked out smiling.
I have no idea why that man cheered me up so much. All he did was care about a stranger’s well being. That’s not too weird or anything. If you couldn’t tell, that was an attempt at sarcasm. So, I was temporarily alleviated from my distress until I sat back in the car and my mother proceeded to tell me that she hadn’t noticed I was gone and was about to drive off without me. How cheering.

Now, this is not the first time something like this has happened. In fact, it happens quite frequently. Strangers seem to see my (what I thought was invisible) inner distress and cheer me up with a smile or a kind word. I live for those moments.
So, the point of this anecdote? I do not honestly have a point. Just maybe that goodness does exist in this world and it comes at you in some of the most random forms. But it finds a way to keep me wanting to live.