This is an article that will be going in my school paper, The Trojan Tempo, along with another article of mine about bullying. Please give your criticism of what I say as well as other suggestions about what to do about bullying. Also please comment on any mistakes I make.
A person that a bully targets is not just a random choice, usually it is someone that the bully decides is vulnerable, some one who socially can do little to respond to the bullying, and some one who is not well liked by teachers. So when you are bullied the deck is stacked against you, stopping the bully is a hard, and intimidating task.
It can be tempting to take the punches and avoid confrontation. Bullying is not something you ignore, it harms you too much, the fear of being bullied by one person, can ruin day after day for you, affecting your mood in every place of your life. Instead of giving up this is what you need to do.
Once you realize you are being bullied you need to wait for another event of bullying to happen. Some times it pays to wait for a severe act of the bullying so something actually happens to the bully. Once this happens go to your teacher at the next possible moment and tell your teacher. Even if they saw the bullying happen you need to tell them, very many times teachers will see bullying but will not realize what is going on, and even on some occasion decide there is bullying going on but are not sure enough to act. “For us to really know if someone is being bullied, we have to be told by that person.” Explain to the teacher what happened, tell the teacher how often and long the person has been bullying you, and tell your teacher who else has seen the bullying. I would only tell the teacher about witnesses you trust however, if you refer the teacher to friends of your bully they will most likely lie on behalf of your friend.
If you’ve been bullied before your probably saying, “That’s all fine, but when I’ve told teachers about how I’ve been bullied before they didn’t do anything.” Even if you know the teacher will not do anything, you still need to go to them because you can now say that they did nothing. If the bullying continues you need to go the teacher and ask why the problem hasn’t been fixed, it is quite possible that they talked to the bully and it had no effect.
“There is a frequently a perception that the teacher does nothing, it normally means the teacher did something and it didn’t work,” said Principal Mr. Moehkul.
If you find that the teacher is unwilling to fix the problem, or unable to do what is needed to fix the problem, than you need to talk to a principal. Explain to them what has happened. I would bring the same witnesses you had when you talked to your teacher. When I talked to Mr. Moehkul about this subject he talked about the problem of having one kid’s word against another and being unable to do anything. When I asked him about naming witnesses he said “(It) certainly doesn’t hurt.”
Let’s go a step farther. Let’s say the principal does nothing about the situation. I asked Mr. Phillis what he would do if a student came to him and said a teacher wasn’t doing anything about him being bullied and the first thing he said was, “ It depends on who the kid is, and depends on who the teacher is.” That sounds a whole lot like it matters to Mr. Phillis’s judgment how much he likes the people involved. It is just as possible for a principal to ignore bullying as it is a teacher. If the principal you talk to ignores your problem than you need to talk to your parents, have them talk to your teacher and principal.
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some one who
someone
and some one who is not well liked by teachers.
Ok. Where did that come from?
Some times
Sometimes
Principal Mr. Moehkul
Use either principal or Mr., but not both.
That sounds a whole lot like it matters to Mr. Phillis’s judgment how much he likes the people involved.
Are you sure?
In my experience, it worked out best when I kicked the crap out of the guy who was bullying me. I vented my frustration on his face, he was punished for his bullying and we wound up being friends.
First, let me commend you. It takes a lot of determination and inner strength to do the research and speak out at your school. And in the long run, the fact that you have raised awareness of the issues at your school (and everywhere, through your blog!) will be much more powerful than any detailed recommendations you give on precisely what to do when the bully strikes.
As for your recommendations in this post, I would disagree with one aspect. If there is a teacher, counselor, or principal who you trust, talk to him/her as soon as you are ready. S/he may not be able to talk to the bully until an incident occurs, but s/he can give good advice and keep an eye out for problems.
I have two reasons for this. First, as you point out in your other post, most instances of bullying go unnoticed, and many are not even physical things that can be observed in a classroom or on the schoolyard. Second, you'll be much better at explaining the situation when you are calm and unflustered than you will be immediately after some incident where you can point to a bully and yell "he did it."
You usually take the conservative view on political and foreign policy issues, but you seem very perceptive and knowledgeable about this issue, so I'm interested in your opinion on two books by authors who have radically different viewpoints on bullying.
For a progressive viewpoint, I would look at Rachel Simmons' Odd Girl Out. She researches and writes about bullying among girls, but much of what she says applies to both guys and girls. There is also a movie out by the same name based on Simmons stories, starring Alexa Vega. I just saw it last weekend on DVD, and would definitely recommend it.
For the conservative viewpoint, see One Nation Under Therapy, by Christina Hoff-Summers. Her thesis is that bullying is not a problem. On the contrary, parents, teachers, and our overly liberal society is making too big a deal about bullying, cooperation, and self-esteem. Parents and teachers should stay out of their kids business. Kids should work out their problems on their own, so they become more self-reliant. The strongest will survive, and the others will... well, we don't need the others.
Judge for yourself. Which viewpoint makes more sense to you?
Ahem, that is not exactly a conservative opinion. Thanks for the response though, I'm nervous about how some teachers will take the bullying.
Hoff-Summers works for a conservative think tank called the American Enterprise Institute, so she definitely qualifies as a died-in-the-wool conservative.
However, if you mean that I didn't state her position correctly, I'll readily admit that I exagerated it a bit ;-) Sorry to bring political ideology into this, but I think it's relevant.
Keep doing what you're doing though -- kudos again.
O by the way I'm changing my article about going to the teacher right away. That is the kind of advice I am looking for.
You had some excellent points in here, but as a former teacher as well as a parent, I'd like to give you more.
First step:
1. Talk to the teacher. Witnesses are great. But also, I recommend keeping a bullying diary and document each time a person bullies you.
2. Ask the teacher to implement programs within the classroom to prevent bullying. Some schools refer to a small group of classmates who help keep an eye out as "the United Nations." When people on the playground or in school have disagreements the United Nations is suppose to reach out to teach the kids to make peace and find a peaceful resolution. The other thing that a united front does is provide a group of peers to protect victims and to take away power from the bullies.
3. If peaceful resolution doesn't work and the teacher is no help, then you must see the principal. At this time you, your parents and the bullies parents should meet together. Hopefully this should resolve it. If not...
4. Take your documentation and your evidence (like ripped clothes, pictures of bloody parts, etc...) to the school board AND the local police. You do have the right under the law to get a restraining order against the bully which would mean the bully could not get closer to you than 50 feet (or whatever the judge decrees). Yes, this is a harsh step, but if it reaches this point, your emotions as well as your safty is impaired.
5. Make sure you hang with a group of friends and try to not get caught alone.
Bullying is a serious problem and any think tank who says otherwise are frankly probably former bullies themselves.
Please, regarding helping classmates, remember that cliques cause more bullying and teasing. Try to eliminate cliques and try to be inclusive. If you notice an isolated person, then invite them to join your group.
You always want to make sure that something is being done and even going to a counselor is a better choice than going to a teacher because counselor's are trained to deal with situations like this. and bullying isn't always pinpointed, it can be random, but not always as you said. it's pretty good though and a good topic to discuss since it happens a lot