Riding with Boys

I recently travelled to Florida to visit family with my children. I have a four-year-old and a two-year-old boy. It was a tiring and very loud trip, as much fun as the visiting was. There is only so much you can do to entertain active boys on a long car ride, when you are in a small VW Golf. We sang songs, counted different colored cars. pointed out as many landmarks or signs as we could think of, and listened to music on the radio. Being siblings they eventually will reach for one another's toy or bother the other.

Cajoling, fussing, bribing, and eventually being fed up - I stopped quite a few times to get them out of the car cage. I remember riding, and being told the same thing. "Don't touch your sister." and I would squeal "She's looking at me!" It is only fair that this karma should be boomerang, right. The mother's curse seems to really come into play. "You'll have kids just like you, one day. Just you wait!" I think a lot of parents say that. I haven't uttered the curse yet, but I'm making no promises.

Car trips like these, remind me that Zen is a great practice. When I can get beyond my attachment to my oldest shrieking or the youngest throwing things, it is a lot easier to do intentional parenting. Being able to rationalely respond in highly annoying and intense situations is awesome. Intentional parenting can be as simple as taking a breath, and thinking "is this the right way to handle this?" Reactive parenting leads me down all sorts of slippery slopes, and before I know it I'm joining in the noisy yelling ruckus right with them. What do they learn from that? Lot's of things that aren't helpful - "I can push mommy's buttons" "She's yelling, so I must be able to yell...."I'm not always in that space of intentional parenting, but is certainly a great place to aim for.

There are no perfect parents. Part of the struggle is accepting those less than candid camera parent moments,and remember it the next time. I am so lucky to have to bright, active boys. Remembering that I squirmed in the backseat once upon a time,and squealled just as piercingly doesn't hurt either. Parenting is a constant process of reaching and stretching personal limits. It is an adventure of riding down back roads in FL, praying for a pitstop. It is those leminal moments when one of the kids says something entirely brilliant and mindblowing. It is when you toss back fries to the carseats and keep driving, because you're just that tired