Music has always been so soothing to me. There's a song for everything and everything in a song. So, being as passionate (and talentless!) as I am about it, I always have music going. Luckily, the rest of the household is the same way.
When Alo was hospitalized all of the time when he was little, the only way they could keep him calm was to turn music on for him. We had an 'Alo Mix' CD we had burned for him and the hospital staff literally wore it out playing it for him. Now that he's older, he still adores music. When he hears a song, any song, come on, he starts bouncing on his knees and waving his hands in his very own version of dancing. Every once in a while, he'll jabber along with the music as if he is singing. He gets a kick out of it.
Kaia is much the same way. Several weeks ago, the MP3 in the Explorer was not working and we were on our way to my mom's for lunch. We get on the road and during a lull in conversation; he asks us where the music is. I explain that the radio is not working and he thinks about it for a minute.
"Nanny, you have to sing since the radio doesn't work," he tells me.
Sis and I crack up because I truly cannot sing. I'm quite terrible at it. But, because I adore the kids and spoil them rotten, I agreed and ended up singing the entire half hour to my mom's. Both of the kids love to dance with me as well, so since music is going nearly constantly here, they'll congregate in the living room and demand I dance and sing to them. I do it, they love it and we're all happy.
The other night, I was sitting in the living room floor, writing and I had 'All These Lives' by Daughtry going in the background. Kaia was sitting beside me, watching me write and listening to the song. He asks me what it's about so I explain that it's about children that get stolen and how sad that is.
He thinks about it for a few minutes and then asks to see the children that get stolen. I go to the Missing and Exploited Children website and start clicking through some of the pictures. He then asks to see pictures of strangers. The only one I could remember was the mystery man that abducted his little girl in Boston, so I pulled up that story and showed him the picture. He, of course, wasn't satisfied and wanted to see more strangers.
Not quite sure what to do, I just pulled something out of my ass and pointed to the lady in the advertisement on the webpage and then another and another, all in advertisements on the sidebar. He’s content with that and we go on to have a long involved discussion about stranger danger and what he should and shouldn’t do. He then wanders off to bed.
Writing last night, he comes to kiss me and spots the CNN webpage out of the corner of his eye. "Hey! It's a stranger Nanny! Look!" I about died laughing.
Bless his little heart, he now thinks that every person in an advertisement on the side of a website is a stranger that kidnaps children. I suppose we're going to have to refine that idea, but for the moment, it works. He's not so good at the entire stranger danger thing just yet.
After our first conversation, he lay down with my sister to go to sleep and was telling her about strangers. She asks what he's supposed to do if a stranger offers him candy. Without missing a beat he returns with "If he's nice?" So sis asks him again. He returns with the same answer. She finally shrugs and says sure, what do you do if the stranger is nice?
Kaia's answer? “Say thanks!”
Yep, definitely going to have to work on that one.
It’s really quite scary and more than a little heartbreaking how difficult it is to teach a child about the dangers people can present. Having never had anyone do anything remotely wrong to him, the entire subject is utterly foreign to him. He just can’t quite imagine that someone could steal him or hurt him. So, my sister and I have now added that life lesson to his schooling goals for the year.
Now, he’ll be learning his numbers alongside learning about the nasty evil people in the world. It’s kind of depressing to think about, but it’s better I know, to teach him those things now, than to say nothing and have the unthinkable happen. The problem, as you can tell, is that our message just isn’t quite getting through to him. He thinks strangers and the entire concept is pretty cool. I can almost see him accepting candy from one of those people and saying thanks. That is truly terrifying.
Because the kids love music so much, I’m thinking about making some of the stranger danger lessons musical in some way, as getting him involved by teaching him the words to a song might work better than merely talking to him. Do any of you know a good stranger danger song that we can teach him to sing and how did you go about teaching your children or siblings about such subjects? Did you have a particular method that worked better than others or did you just continue talking until they “got” it?
You know, I don't think I ever got the whole stranger thing. I know I was taught not to talk to strangers, but I distinctly remember walking up to people and asking them if they were strangers.
I think it's difficult to teach kids about stranger safety because it goes against whatever instinct they possess that makes them just naturally trust everybody. And, really, strangers aren't the huge problem. While it's good to teach kids not to take candy from people they haven't been introduced to, or help people they don't know find a lost puppy, most people that harm children are people the children know. I read somewhere that it was statistically more likely for a child to be struck by lightening than be kidnapped by someone that was not a family member, family friend, neighbor, babysitter, etc.
Maybe I just live a sheltered life, but seriously, when's the last time you saw a creepy guy in a beat up van driving around offering candy to children?
And... I probably don't help enforce stranger danger education when I see a kid wandering around alone in a store and take them to customer service to find their guardian.
Anyway... I don't know of any songs off the top of my head, but I know McGruff.org has some activity pages for kids that might be fun for you guys to look at together. :-)
I think, really, the best thing parents and guardians can do is keep up-to-date pictures of their kids, help kids memorize their address and phone number, know how to use the phone, etc., and always communicate well with them, and let them know they are wanted and loved and that they can trust you.
"What a crazy random happenstance!"
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My big concern with strangers stems from this one guy when I was growing up. He followed us to school one day and home from school another day. Nothing ever happened, but it was incredibly scary, especially as a 4th grader, to have some guy you didn't know following along behind you when there wasn't another adult around. Dad called the police on both occasions and started driving us to school after the second incident. I just kind of remember that and think good god, it can happen. I'd rather have Kaia prepared than not, you know?
And the other kids around here really worry me. They don't know us, their parents don't know us and yet, when our door is open they just kind of wander in like they belong here. When one of the kiddos has a snack, they just wander up and ask if they can have something to eat too. They aren't even my kids and that scares the crap out of me. When we do decide Kaia is eventually old enough to be out by himself, I don't want him doing things like that, thinking it's acceptable or safe. It's just plain scary.
I'd do the same thing with a kid wandering around alone. It may not be the best way to reinforce stranger danger, but better to take the kid to security or customer service than leave him or her just wandering around alone for someone that may have an ulterior motive to scoop up.
We're working on the whole address thing, which is funny in an entirely new dimension. He thinks that the one mile area around our apartment is his Little Rock. Everything else is the "other" Little Rock. So, we ask where he lives and instead of giving us the address, he, naturally, tells us that he lives in his Little Rock. But, he can navigate you to the house from any of our typical routes, so it's a start.
It's really funny what kids can remember and what they can't. You would think the address would be a piece of cake compared to actually giving directions, but the address escapes him and he spits out directions like a little GPS system.
Thanks for the McGruff link. I'd forgotten about him!
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Like writing? So do we!
~Fallon~
"If I fall asleep with a pen in my hand, don't remove it - I might be writing in my dreams."- Pace
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That is some scary stuff. I'd probably be the same if that had happened to me.
I don't understand kids that do that either. There's a kid in my mom's neighborhood that does that. He just walks into houses and sits in front of the TV. Maybe I didn't really get the whole stranger thing, but I knew not to go into other people's houses. And my mom always taught me it was rude to ask people for things... I think my mom was always teaching us new and improved ways to never offend anyone... :-P But, yeah, that's a little scary that they feel comfortable just walking in to houses, especially when the neighbors don't know you. Maybe you could have like a neighborhood parenting party or something and talk about such concerns? You can meet your neighbors and share ideas for stranger education and voice concerns all in one go! :-)
scary kidnapping story:
My cousin's daughter was taken by her grandmother one day. She was with her biological dad for the weekend when she was almost 2 and her dad's mom just decided to take her for 4 days without telling anyone. And her dad decides not to say anything or answer any of my cousin's paranoid phone calls because the reason he brought the baby to grandma's in the first place is so he could go get high with friends. For that and other, worse reasons, her dad has no rights at all to her anymore... and she's been legally adopted by my cousin's husband.
"What a crazy random happenstance!"
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
Read my Blog!
Here's some statistics on kidnapping.
According to the site (and DoJ), kidnapping makes up less than 2% of all violent crimes against juveniles. Of that 2%, 24% are kidnapped by a stranger, 49% by a family member, and 27% by an acquaintance.
In the scope of all crimes against children, kidnapping, particularly by a stranger, is actually quite rare. Doesn't make it any less scary, though (less than one-half of one percent of all crime, if my math is right). Regardless, "stranger danger," at least to me, always implied kidnapping. But, when only 1/2% of all crimes people do to kids is kidnapping, the idea of "stranger danger" in its current connotation makes little sense to me.
What I find scary is that sexual assault is more common than any other crime against kids. The preceding link is for offenders in jail, so it's not a full scope, but you can see from it that children are more (and more often) victims of sexual assault than kidnapping.
I think kidnapping has more focus because it results in the physical disappearance of the child, whereas in sexual assault cases, the child is still present, so there aren't many obvious signs (and certainly nothing as obvious as a vanishing child) that anything is even wrong. This a dangerous misconception.
I am treated as evil by people who claim that they are being oppressed because they are not allowed to force me to practice what they do. ~D. Dale Gulledge
I think sometimes the kidnapping aspect of "stranger danger" is over emphasized because it's the easier to talk with children about kidnapping then it is to talk with them about rape and other stranger dangers. Also sometime people assume that some form of kidnapping is a precursor to rape/sexual assault.
"Life is too short to make just one decision
Music's too large for just one station
Love is too big for just one nation and
God is too big for just one religion"
-Michael Franti and Spearhead "East to the West"
That, too, is a dangerous assumption, because kidnapping isn't a precursor to sexual assault.
I am treated as evil by people who claim that they are being oppressed because they are not allowed to force me to practice what they do. ~D. Dale Gulledge
Plus the fact that most rapes are also not done by strangers. The vast majority are non-stranger, which usually means a family member, friend, or acquaintance (someone you met at a party, for instance).
~C
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Talk until your blue take a deep breath sing till your dizzy rest and read them a story about it.
My son is easy and yet hard headed. The Bearenstein bears have a stranger book and explains it really well. After two reads my son would see nice looking people around and tell me that those people are not strangers. I would talk about why they are strangers and ask if he knows their name or has had them home before. Then I would talk about not knowing a good apple from the bad apple without cutting into it and little people like him could not use knives yet.
Well it makes sense with the book and a child's mind. ANd he does teach his sister these things even if he does not understand.
When I am tired I keep it simple and just tell him he is not allowed to [insert stranger danger topic] with out mama or papa. He gets that too and does not argue.
Either way its either a long circular talk or to brief to actually be learned.
~T
A nation of well informed men who have been taught to know and prize the rights which God has given them cannot be enslaved. It is in the region of ignorance that tyranny begins. ~Benjamin Franklin
I remember that book, and I loved the Bearenstain bears (and, they have a website now!) when I was a kid.
I am treated as evil by people who claim that they are being oppressed because they are not allowed to force me to practice what they do. ~D. Dale Gulledge
My son will be so happy. He loves helping me read his bear country books now that he knows a few words. One week at school and he already thinks he can read.
Those book always have a not scary o rmean way of telling kids about life and give them a little understanding. They help parents who can not find the words have a voice.
~T
A nation of well informed men who have been taught to know and prize the rights which God has given them cannot be enslaved. It is in the region of ignorance that tyranny begins. ~Benjamin Franklin
I think the whole stranger danger thing is a particularly difficult thing for kids to understand, because you warn them that every stranger could be dangerous, but then you expect them to kiss great-aunt-so-and-so they only see once a year, do what the doctor ask them to, listen to their new teacher, be polite to the business acquaintance who's name you barely remember, and be sociable with all kind of other people you know but they don't remember. That said I really don't know how you can get the message to sink in, beside repeating it over and over and over.
Even if he doesn't understand why, having concrete rules like "never go in somebody's house or car without mommy or nanny or someone they tell you to go with" and "never eat anything from someone you don't know without mommy's permission" will probably be easier for him to comprehend then more abstract ideas like "strangers can be dangerous" or "don't talk to strangers" (an over used statement that only applies to some situation). I would probably place more emphasis on teaching who it's ok to talk to or go places with, and how you know they're ok, then I would on teaching him strangers are dangerous, because sooner or later everyone needs to talk to certain strangers and you don't want him to be too scared.
And more important then anything you could teach him is something I'm sure you realize but I've seen (and based on your story you've seen) way too many parents who don't seem get this: watch your kids and know where they are.
"Life is too short to make just one decision
Music's too large for just one station
Love is too big for just one nation and
God is too big for just one religion"
-Michael Franti and Spearhead "East to the West"
And more important then anything you could teach him is something I'm sure you realize but I've seen (and based on your story you've seen) way too many parents who don't seem get this: watch your kids and know where they are.
A-freakin-men! I just wish more families would take that advice to heart and use a little common sense. where their children are concerned
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Like writing? So do we!
~Fallon~
"If I fall asleep with a pen in my hand, don't remove it - I might be writing in my dreams."- Pace
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