Do you ever get that gnawing feeling in your gut that things in this world just don’t “work” right? If we were honest with ourselves, we would admit that we all spend some time lamenting the unfairness in our own worlds. We may ask, “Why is it that I work the hardest in my company, yet I am not paid as much as my boss’ favorite?” Or, “Why did my class-mate have to die when ruthless murderers live into their 80’s?”
These personal situations help highlight other irrationalities in our world. Why are wealthy, older celebrities who have already lived full, rich lives given preferential ranks on waiting lists for rare organ transplants? Meanwhile, the indigent, immigrant children, whose parents risked everything to escape terror in their homeland, are left to die without a chance? Or how is it that by the “luck of the draw,” some people are born in Ethiopia and are doomed to physically wasting away while others of us are lucky enough to be born in the U.S. where 66.3% of us are overweight? Can anyone grapple with this unfairness without acknowledging that this world works in DISharmony with a perfectly synchronized system?
Well, relationships in this world are no different. Relationships in this world, don’t “work” right either. We are all skewed with cultural and religious conventions, with gender differences, with personal narrow-mindedness, with “macho”ism or feminism, with misguided advice, with selfishness and most of all we have all become skewed by Hollywood. While movies can be enlightening—they can screw us up too.
One of my favorite movies is “Pretty Woman”. A despondent, disheartened prostitute is taken right off the streets by a wealthy, reputable man who elevates her to aristocratic status. Their relationship blossoms as he treats her with dignity and exposes her to a whole new world. Soon, she realizes that she is more than just a beautiful token on his arm. She is a worthwhile individual with God-given value and gifts. With a new confidence in hand, she leaves to blaze a new trail—to better herself and discover those hidden gifts. In the end, in Hollywood-style, the wealthy gentleman comes to his senses, realizes she is right, admits his love and follows after her-- roses in hand.
In this screwed-up world, that doesn’t seem to work that way. Some American guys would fight against his perceived loss of “power” with outright emotional abuse, or with coercing her back into traditional gender roles, or by subconsciously manipulating her self-esteem so that she begins to feel she is nothing more than an object of lust. Other men would look at this situation as a “free ride” and stop working at being the man she was attracted to in the first place… So much for Hollywood.
Or take another favorite movie of mine, “Pearl Harbor”. While I love the historical lessons of the movie, the love story within it has just as many lessons about Hollywood love. The female protagonist in the story is told that she has lost her true love to the war. So, she builds a relationship to fill that void—and becomes pregnant. Soon she discovers that her true love is not dead. However, with a sense of honor, she turns away from that love for the sake of her unborn child. In Hollywood fashion, true love always prevails, and the unborn child’s father is scripted to die in battle. The princess marries her true prince and they live happily ever after.
Instead, in the real world, when someone meets “true love” they have to face constant conflict between their own desires and what is good for the relationship. In the real world, lovers are not imparted with a script that removes all of their problems. Instead, in the real world, real-world conflict rears its ugly head over and over.
Relationships are never as perfect as Hollywood tries to convince us. Thus, movie buffs need to constantly discern the façade of Hollywood relationships. Love, relationships and marriage in this screwed-up world will never rise to the perfection portrayed by Hollywood. If they did, there would be no need for “Heaven”.
So, remember, love and all other relationships on this Earth are bound to be just as messed-up as the rest of the world. Much of today’s accepted advice surrounding love, marriage and relationships needs to be questioned and be exposed to the overwhelming synthesis of thought and evidence. But, most of all, we need to continually remind ourselves—this is not Hollywood. And, more importantly, this IS NOT Heaven. While we should be continually striving for the ideal of Heaven on Earth—we will never change Earth into Heaven. If we could—we would be God. So, we all have to stop expecting Hollywood and Heaven in our relationships. If we can do that—I think all of our relationships would improve.
