i am so sick of this. it never ends. im ALWAYS stressed. and if im not stressed, i am being lazy. like now. i wish i lived in jail. no work. pretty content. i just want to be bored for once. to not have a thing to think about. i don't remember the last time i had nothing to do. i don't remember the last time i accomplished what i set out to do. i feel extremely pathetic. Defeated. Worthless. i just want to escape conciousness without losing time. everything is so rushed these days. i feel so pressured....for time, money, success. i dont know WHY i worry about half of the things i do....i honestly can't analyze this. nor can i avoid it, even with the knowledge that it is petty. meanwhile, i've neglected some pretty important aspects of life. i don't know what matters anymore...im so engulfed in my own thoughts. its truly overbearing. i want to escape. but there's no way around it. i can't drink or smoke away my mind; i only find myself more inside my own head.
i wish i could escape my selfish ways. i wish i could rise above my expectations for myself to see to the happiness of somebody else. I am too hard to please. my constant struggle to please myself is what is making me unhappy.
i wish i weren't a hypocrite.
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procrastination was the problem.