Hooked for Life

I am a pianist, and have been for many years. I have been in so many recitals and concerts that I don't want to count them, but even so, I just about always managed to get out of playing by memory. It adds so much more stress to an already stressful experience to play by memory, and for me, I think that I can play a piece better with the music in front of me than without it. So, it's like why even bother. Well, I have a concert coming up, and I didn't manage to dodge the memory bullet. Right now, I am a little ambivalent to the whole memory thing. Mainly because as I have been doing one piece by memory in front of others, I have experienced some emotions that I don't mind repeating.
There is a tremendous amount of freedom and pride when you are up at a keyboard, and you don't have the music in front of you. Yes, you still have to play certain notes, but to have all of the music in your head gives your pride quite a ride up. I must say musicians should be the last people using drugs, just playing in a concert is enough to give me an emotional high.
Then there is another quite new feeling that I have never really experienced before. It feels very much like you are exposing your soul to the audience, and it is almost uncomfortable. It feels like the audience can look right through your body and soul, and see everything, and you want to tell them to stop looking that closely, stop looking right now, before they see something unpleasant.
There is also a feeling of communication on a much deeper level than a normal conversation. There are some things that cannot be put into words, and words have never come easy to me anyway, so having that type of freedom to satisfy the deeper needs of the soul is a pleasure and a release.