Are you still With Me?

Lately, I have missed someone everyday these past two weeks. And let me tell you it hurts so much. When i had to leave one day i got so mad i didn't even say goodbye. I got my stuff out of their car and left. I was so furious! I wasn't mad at them, i was mad that i would have to say goodbye. I was mad i was leaving my home to go back home. Let me explain. Church is my home. this house i'm writing this at is not. i live here, yes. But my heart is in that sanctuary. So, I usually give this person a hug and i didn't. I was so angry. Did i say that already? Let me explain the hug thing. This person was not able to go to church for a month. Imagine someone who is your friend...a dear friend and you don't see them in a month! Are you feeling it? Okay, keep with me. So, when I finally got to see this person I flug my arms around them and was so overcome with joy. It was exciting. Then, the next night I talked with them about something very serious and they were hurting, angry, and bitter, but all the while hurting. I started getting frustrated with what they were saying. Suddenly, the most shocking statements come out from their mouth. I didn't know what to say about that...i was motionless and still. Then, three words uttered from their mouth..."I'm sorry (my name...you don't need to know)." They began to cry and I sat down and wrapped my arms around them to comfort them and let them know it's allright. I hadn't seen this person cry before and i didn't like it. I didn't like to see this pain coming out...oh my gosh those words haunted me for a week. I kid you not. It ran through my head over and over again and the emotion...that sorrow and guilt and rage built all up around it...i...yeah, it hurt. are you still with me on this? okay, keep going a little further, we're almost there.
So, lately I have been missing this person and it was really bad because i had to go two weeks without seeing them, and they almost didn't go to church. Well, last week after I saw this person...I was really happy, then as the days went on i missed them again. I got so bitter about it that i didn't want to feel that way, so i made a decision to avoid them coming sunday. my friends told me i shouldn't. then i thought about what if this person left church...i began to think to myself i'd be okay..then i started crying, but i would suck it up. then i had a dream they died. when i woke up i got really scared and thought i wouldn't be able to see that person again...and this was the worst feeling...or hug that person again. It's important...that hug...it tells me that person is there and it's me saying hey, I care. Hey, i love you. well, come sunday, i couldn't do it. but you know what...when i was being rushed to leave back here...(sigh) i heard my name being called...it was that person. i turned around and they were leaving...i wanted to give them a hug, but didn't...i froze. instead i waved like an idiot. then they left. NO HUG. I was so sad. I have this love for this person that is unexplainable...it's not a love as in i would marry this person...it's a friendship love. it's a love that God gave me to experience and it is amazing...but sometimes it hurts.
Good news, though, i didn't hurt today. but i will be soon...but i hope i don't. i want to get to a place where i can love them without hurting when i don't see them. Still there? This is where you come in? is that possibly? can i love without missing...hurting?