What to do

My mom has always been the strongest person in our family. She has kept the family united through good times and bad. No matter what kind of issues are occurring between members of the family, she always manages to bring us together for big things like holidays and family reunions, as well as the little things, like vacations or get togethers. My mom is the kind of person who will look after you when you're sick. I remember when I had my wisdom teeth removed and she would come into my room while I was sleeping to change the gauze in my mouth so that it didn't get too bloody, or to make sure that I wasn't in any pain. What I'm not used to is having to take care of my mom or having to listen to reports every day from my dad or my sister about how my mom is doing, whether or not she is eating anything, how much Vicodin she's taken, and things of that nature. My mom has terminal cancer in her lungs and liver. The doctors originally told her that she had two months to a year to live. At this point, they are saying that she only has a few days.

It hurts a lot when I think about this. I saw my mom about a week ago and at first she was really weak, but she started to get her strength back towards the end of my visit. I don't get to see her that often because she lives in California and I'm stationed out in Maryland. I assumed she was going to keep getting her strength back and that I would see her at Christmas, because she kept telling me "Next time I see you, I'll be able to play on the floor with the baby" or "You have to think positive Kaitlin" or "We're going to have a really nice Christmas this year. Maybe we can fly out to see you". A week after I leave, my dad tells me that the doctors have told him that she only has a week to live. How is it possible that she started to deteriorate that quickly?

I got a chance to say good bye to my mom, and while I know that it's going to hurt more than I can possibly imagine and I know that I am going to miss her more than anything in the world, I am more concerned about what is going to happen with my daughter. Madeline is not even a year old yet. I don't want her to think that she only has one grandmother and I know that she's not going to have any memories of my mom. Last night I went in her room and laid down on the floor with her, stroking her hair and talking to her while I rubbed her back. I kept telling her that her gramma loves her more than anything else in the world and that she is going to be watching over her and will always be with her. I told myself that I will not let my daughter forget my mom.

Then there's my husband's mother. I feel like I have to put on a show for him, an act to make him think that I like his mom. But at this point she is getting on my nerves. As soon as she found out that my mom was dying, she started trying to make it seem like she is my daughter's only grandmother, telling me that I have to teach her how to say Nana now, not Gramma because she wants to be called Nana, that I have to put all kinds of pictures of her in my daughter's room so she knows her Nana loves her...okay, I understand that she loves Madeline, but the fact that she is pushing my mother out of my daughter's life is really annoying. I've tried to tell her "Well you know, I'm still going to teach her how to say Gramma so she can talk to my mom" (hey, miracles happen) and his mom has some kind of messed up thing to say like "How do you know she'll get a chance to". I just don't know what to do about it anymore. It's making losing my mom harder because she isn't helping the fact that I'm doing everything in my power to make Madeline remember my mom. It's like my husband's mom is trying to make it seem like she's the only one who cares about Maddie, that she's the only grandparent who really wants to know everything and all that. What about my dad? What about my husband's dad? What about my mom?

Maybe I'm overreacting because I'm depressed about my mother. Maybe I'm just angry at everyone at this point. Who knows. All I know is this woman seems to be trying to push my mother, who is still alive, out of the picture. And I can't stand that.

Bookmark/Search this post with:

 •    •    •    •    •    •    •