Everything you need to know about Poop

Today I would like to share my objective thoughts and feelings regarding poop. Unlike many things in life, poop does not discriminate. Poop applies to the life of everyone- all people have experienced poop. This may seem like an assumption, but studies and personal experience support the idea that poop is vital to our existence. One hundred percent of serial killers are reported to have produced poop at one time or another, as have one hundred percent of ministers, teachers, physicians, drug users, house painters, and acrobats. The widespread impact of poop disallows us to attach any classification to those who are affected by it other than being animal. Poop happens, everyone is full of poop, and poop is everywhere. Poop affects us daily, and shapes the way we view the world. My series of poop blogs will show you the side of poop that you never noticed.

So, why poop? Kinkatia posted a great blog (http://www.progressiveu.org/222422-ever-elusive-perfect-blog-entry) about searching for the perfect blog. She stated that the perfect blog and progress could not exist on the same page, but I disagree. I think that poop is progressive, and poop is the perfect blog topic based on the criteria she gave. I can’t promise that you won’t want to read more about poop, but after reading the entire series you will know more than you ever wanted to about poop and therefore will have all the information you want.

In order to meet Kinkatia’s objectivity criteria, I will state all sides of the story without skipping around the details or the issue itself. I hope that talking about poop will not instill bad thoughts (this could result in poop throwing), but educate the reader and leave them feeling happy, joyful, and content. I disagree with Kinkatia that progress and the perfect blog cannot exist on the same page. Progress is being able to talk about poop without fear of censorship, judgment, or shame. Let us come together and blog in the name of poop and perfection. I long for the poopy day in which we can all sit around the dinner table and discuss our bowel products with pride.

Poop is a solid waste product excreted by animals. It is sometimes referred to as dookie, doodoo, caca, turds, crap, poo, dung, NumberTwo, solid waste, and a four-letter expletive that sounds similar to “ship”. More scientific persons may choose to refer to this byproduct as “feces” or “fecal matter”, however, these terms are becoming obsolete in common exchanges.

An animal’s food passes through the stomach, where some mechanical and enzymatic digestion occurs. It then passes through the intestinal tract. At this stage, the food is considered prepoop, because it is still rich in valuable nutrients and therefore is not waste (true poop). Nutrients and other usable substances are absorbed through intestinal walls, and the newly formed poop then moves to the end of the large intestine. This region is commonly referred to as the colon, however, the poop reaches its final stage in the descending colon. After the final decrease in altitude, the new poop passes out of the animal’s body through the anus. Slang terms for the anus include duke chute, pooper, chocolate starfish, bunghole, and The Out Door. Many expletives have been developed in order to describe the anus, however, these are omitted to avoid violations of ProgU’s rules. Each animal chooses to dispose of his or her poop in a different and unique manner. The development of poop disposal strategies, post-poop cleanup routines, and denying the act of pooping has shaped each culture of the world in a different way. In my next blog, you’ll get a smell of how poop affects our view of the world.

As always, if you liked what you read (or even if you didn't!), rate it! I'll do the same for you.

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