I'm worried about the value of marriage.
To me, marriage means you are officially joined; you are one. And, that night, you have something to look forward to.
But, to so many now, do they have anything to look forward to that night? No, not as much as those who have saved themselves. They've already experienced it. It so upsets me that so many people have given themselves up, and that they won't have the thrill of sharing it with that person for the FIRST time that night.
Parents, KNOW where your kids are and who they're with. Go with them to the party, to their friends' house, etc. Make sure the parents are home. Then leave. It may make the kid very upset. But, what about later when they turn up with an addiction, an STD or a pregnancy? When do you think they'll be more upset?
And, do it early. Because I know kids younger and younger are acting older and older. My peer said the other day a 12 year old came into her work and bought a pregnancy test. Don't think your kid is innocent just because they're young. They're not. Parents who let their kids wear fitted tees, short skirts, basically show stomach, breasts, and legs, at age 5 should especially beware.
http://askmars.org/images/sexual_exposure_chart.png
Yuck.
Save yourself. Save your kids. If not for you, or them, for your or their future spouse.
Good blog. I totally agree, people should save it for thier future spouse...I think the problem though is, nowadays, most people don't want to wait...so then they have some type of problem to deal with that could have been prevented.
-Amanda-
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i truly understand where you're coming from, im married myself...married for almost 3 yrs now, can I say Im happy...aaannn sometimes, well most of the time, i want to be and try to be, but my husband wont understand things and I just give up. maybe its the 7 year age diff gap, or having 2 kids n less than 3 yrs...i mean im real young, but so is he,,can we just live a little, but remember this is supposed to be forever?
yeah... where's commitment? and where is the beauty of love if it is not everlasting? (sigh). may be i'm just a hopeless romantic. :-)
It's definitely an interesting issue. However, it hinges on the idea that sexuality is something inherently 'secret' or, to an extent 'explicit'. I'll definitely admit that I'd prefer a partner that hasn't been around the block... but as far as that devaluing marriage? I'd say marriage is more devalued by naive, unrealistic expectations that someone having a couple of sexual partners.
As for 'sharing' it with a future mate... I'll take it that means sharing awkwardness, ineptitude, and blood... and additionally the need to wait for a while before the bleeding and sensitivity go away and make intercourse possible. Disregard that last part if you happened to rupture yours while horseback riding or on a bicycle (or possibly weren't born with one).
I'd tend to agree with you, though. It's crazy how young some people are losing it. I know I was thinking about sex in kindergarten, but it took quite a while to actually act any of it out. Who knows. Maybe it's time for a new paradigm?
Something to look forward to? Hate to break it to you, but first-time sexual experiences are typically NOT very good. The woman's in pain. The guy doesn't know how to pleasure her. He finishes too soon. It's all awkward and totally ruins the mood. Not much to look forward to unless you're already not a virgin anymore and you know your spouse is sexually compatible with you.
Not if you put some humor into it, and take it slowly. Then, even though it may hurt a little, it'll still be something that you share.
Have you had much sexual experience? It seems you have a rather unrealistic perception of what first-time sex is like.
I'd far rather share an orgasm with my life partner than share an act that causes me pain, to have sex on our wedding night when neither of us has a clue about what we're doing or how to pleasure each other. It's rare for sex to be awesome the first few times, no reason not to practice.
I'm inclined to agree with Kiota here... I'd rather have an idea what I'm doing than be fumbling and embarrassed, and possibly miserable, on my wedding night. But that's just me.
~C
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If you are both inexperienced though, you have a connection, and if you instill a little humor into it, and accept that you are both inexperienced, it would be just fine. I'd rather start the learning process after getting married, because of my morals.